blegh

[quillpunk]

Yeah, so that didn't pan out.

Part of my problem is that if I have a thing I need to do, then I can't do anything else until that thing is done, but I can't do the thing because of [lack of spoons, executive dysfunction, just plain old forgot, lost track of time, etc.] and right now that thing is schoolwork. There is so much to read.

And then on top of that I feel guilty when I'm not doing the things that Need To Be Done™ and then I don't do anything else, like writing. (Like, if I couldn't do the thing that Needed Doing but I can do something else, then I've like... lied? It feels like that, even though I know it's not the same.)

And then that's another day I've done nothing, ugh.

But! I did write 31k words in October! Which is more than September! I might still be able to hit my 500k getyourwordsout pledge. Next year I'm doing a 1 mil pledge though; I'm cutting it way too close and this isn't fun anymore, now I'm just anxious :( Like, if I don't manage it at this point I'm just going to be sad, and I'd rather have a goal I was never going to get anywhere near in the first place, thanks. (Which is what this goal was supposed to be.)

Speaking of ridiculous goals, there's a writefest on 4thewords right now, and one of the special quests is to write 250k words in 44 days. ...I'm going for it. Will I succeed? I don't care, LOL. That's like 40k words a week; failure is guaranteed, but damn, hopefully it's gonna be fun XD

I could use some fun <3

Comments

[sweetsorcery]

Next year I'm doing a 1 mil pledge though; I'm cutting it way too close and this isn't fun anymore, now I'm just anxious :(

That doesn't sound like a healthy idea, doubling a word count goal that's making you anxious as it is. 😧 (And 500k would make anyone anxious, tbh.) It definitely doesn't sound like fun. Could you set yourself challenges not related to word count? Bingo cards, prompts, etc.? Less might be more, and definitely more fun.

[quillpunk]

ah, no what's stressing me out is the fact that i might actually *hit* my goal. which wasn't the intent when i pledged for it, but now i'm so close that i'm taking it Seriously and it's making me anxious. doubling it next year means i can be silly about it again and just chill, because i'm not gonna succeed at it, lol.

i just like failing at unattainable goals more than failing at an achievable goal i could have gotten if Things Went Right For Once™—which they never do :( so i prefer to aim so high it's never gonna happen XD (at least rn, lol)

[sweetsorcery]

Oh okay, that's different. :D
In that case, probably a good idea to move the goal right out of reach.