ah, no what's stressing me out is the fact that i might actually *hit* my goal. which wasn't the intent when i pledged for it, but now i'm so close that i'm taking it Seriously and it's making me anxious. doubling it next year means i can be silly about it again and just chill, because i'm not gonna succeed at it, lol.

i just like failing at unattainable goals more than failing at an achievable goal i could have gotten if Things Went Right For Once™—which they never do :( so i prefer to aim so high it's never gonna happen XD (at least rn, lol)