Next year I'm doing a 1 mil pledge though; I'm cutting it way too close and this isn't fun anymore, now I'm just anxious :(

That doesn't sound like a healthy idea, doubling a word count goal that's making you anxious as it is. 😧 (And 500k would make anyone anxious, tbh.) It definitely doesn't sound like fun. Could you set yourself challenges not related to word count? Bingo cards, prompts, etc.? Less might be more, and definitely more fun.